And now, This..!
Pure Genius.
Jesus loves you!
It's everybody else that thinks you're a cunt.
If you think nobody cares about you,
try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
If at first you don't succeed,
then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
For sale:
parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
The word “Karaoke” is Japanese for "Tone Deaf"
I've had “I love you” tattooed on my cock,
wife said I was trying to put words in her mouth.
Q. What is the difference between a Goldfish and a Mountain Goat?
A. The Goldfish mucks about in fountains!
Q:
Where does Virgin wool come from?
A: Ugly Sheep.
As The priest at a local Catholic club said to me :-
"Any more comments like that and I'll turn the mike off"....
"That's Charity work for you"
I wouldn't do voluntary work if you paid me.....!
WHY LAUGH?
Research has shown that laughter
has both preventive
and therapeutic values.
Laughter
releases endorphins, giving us the ‘feel good factor’.
Acts
as aerobic exercises, just like internal jogging.
Unleashes
inhibitions, breaking down barriers.
Great
team building tool, leading to better communication.
Helps
boost our immune system, which fights diseases.
Tones
muscles, improves respiration and circulation.
Encourages
positive thinking, clarity and creativity.
Relaxes
the whole body by reducing stress and tension.
Hint Of The Week
If You Want To Keep Monkey's Out of your Bedroom!
Keep Banana's in your Kitchen. (Joe Pasquale)
" i don't believe there is such a thing as bad language,
just bad use of good language "
The Four Kinds of Sex
The first is Smurf Sex - This happens during the honeymoon period of a relationship, you keep doing it and doing it, until you're blue in the face.
The second is Kitchen Sex - This is at the beginning of your marriage, you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, anyplace, even in the kitchen.
The third kind is Bedroom Sex - You've calmed down a bit, perhaps you have had some kids, so you have to do it in the bedroom.
The fourth kind is Hallway Sex - This is where you pass each other in the hallway, look at each other and say, "FUCK YOU"..!
Here Are A Few One Liner's I found On the St Helens Advertiser Site
A wise man never plays
leapfrog with a Unicorn.
The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop digging.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Letting' the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back.
Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.
"Mary's Lamb Had Foot & Mouth
The Vet He Came And Shot It
But Mary's Dad Had Shagged It First
So Now Her Mother's Got It".